


Bro: Be the Cockblock

by Sandywolf



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-27
Updated: 2011-07-27
Packaged: 2017-10-21 19:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/228947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandywolf/pseuds/Sandywolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave learns not to bring his girl/boyfriends home, since Bro will do absolutely any and everything to get in between them. Be it challenging Dave to strife, hitting on the other kid, having smuppets rain down on them whenever they make out, or purposefully sitting between them during movies. Anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bro: Be the Cockblock

**Author's Note:**

> For the kink meme, even though it's not exactly kinky. In any way. Um.

It took approximately three dates at home for Dave to realize that this _really wasn't going to work_.

He'd assumed his bro would be fine with him bringing other people into their tiny apartment. Hell, he'd even mentioned it ahead of time not once, but _twice_. Sure it had been in passing, a quick affirmation of words as they passed one another on the way to the shower one morning, but it had been something!

So it had almost (almost because Dave is never, EVER truly surprised) surprised him that, during a perfectly good sloppy makeout session, his brother appeared out of what seemed to be thin air and squeezed between himself and his date, who had the grace to refrain from spluttering indignantly. Dave, on the other hand, went so far as to raise one fine, casual brow, which his bro promptly ignored in favor of flicking on the television.

“I should be going anyway.” His date mumbled, gathering their things and leaving without even a goodbye kiss. Dave blinked, facade composed, heart rate normal, but eyes fixated on his bro's face as the older man just yawned and relaxed further into their couch.

That had only been the first time.

The second occurred on a different day, week, even month, with a completely different person. They'd wheedled their way into the apartment, and Dave had been fine with it, he supposed. It didn't really matter, because they weren't bad looking, and he fully expected some sort of payment for his ironically kind reception to their rudeness.

And payment _did_ come in the form of coy eyelash fluttering and, he nearly rolled his eyes, a bit of stuttering. They'd been in the kitchen, Dave leaning casually against the counter by the sink as his date, he supposed he could call it a date, ironically, of course, devoured his mouth. Hands groping him everywhere, carding through his hair, and maybe it was just a little annoying, but hey, it was something, and he'd take what he could get because he was _Dave_. And Dave was just cool like that.

Just as things had gotten to where he almost felt inclined to actually reciprocate the moans against his lips, the latch on the ceiling gave way and a sea of brightly colored smuppets rained down on them, piling on the floor in great waves. Dave's partner leapt away from him, scrambling to climb atop the counter as they demanded to know just what the flying fuck was going on, but Dave was too busy holding off the blade at his neck to really care.

Words were unnecessary. It was the tilt of Bro's head, the almost, but not really there smirk on his face, the sword clutched firmly in his hand that said it all. Dave's date was completely forgotten, even if the rush of hormones in his bloodstream were not, and their fight was promptly taken to the roof.

What felt like hours, but was really only minutes later, Dave made his way back downstairs, body sore from the fierce beating he'd just taken. He found the kitchen to be completely empty, save for the plushy rumped creatures wading around his feet. He jammed his hands in his pocket, almost wincing, but blamed it immediately on the various cuts and bruises his brother had given him, and ignored the fact that really, _truly_ , it was just his ego hurting.

The third, and _last_ date, he promised himself, was where he finally drew the line.

When he'd brought this date, who he was especially interested in, into their apartment, he held a hand up, shutting them out until he'd taken a few steps in and assured himself that they were well and truly alone. When that was done he inclined his head ever so slightly, allowing them in and closing the door behind them like a true gentleman would.

He led them to his bedroom, knowing it was probably the safest place in the house, but only made it a few steps down the hallway before an adjoining door swung open and out stepped his Bro. He almost smacked himself, mentally of course, because he should have known that the man would be around here somewhere, that _somehow_ , he was never _truly_ gone. Yet it would have, no, _should_ have been fine. In any other household it could have been at least, and his date seemed to take it that way, hand raising for the briefest of seconds in a polite hello. One which Bro regarded for a moment before, wait, no, what was he doing?

The hand that had been holding his own was pulled away, his date being led in the exact opposite direction as his brother led them back to the living room. Dave could only watch, eyes almost wide behind his glasses as his bro led them to the couch and threw an arm over their shoulder, leaning in close as his date giggled nervously.

Dave almost couldn't stand it. He'd been hung out to dry, left alone in a dark, cramped hallway with a few random smuppets and his aching pride. He watched his date lean in closer, voice low, eyes even lower, and sighed.

 _Fine_ , he thought, if that was how it was going to be, then just _fine_.

He didn't watch how the rest of the night panned out, didn't really even care. He spent it at his computer, slouching back over his chair as he pestered a few close friends. He didn't even flinch when his Bro walked in ten minutes later and just... just _stood_ behind him, hands jammed in his pockets, eyes burning holes on his back as Dave fervently ignored it all.

His brother never said a word, but he didn't have to ask to know that his guest had been kicked out. And that an unspoken rule had been deftly tacked to the Strider House's List of Commandments.

 _Thou shalt not welcome the uncouth and the uncool unto this household._

So he relented, tapping one final command into the empty chat box on his monitor before following his Bro out of the room for a late night movie.

A week later, as he'd planned, a knock on their front door echoed through the living room. Bro's head turned to him, hands pausing on the controller as he inquired without words as to who could be standing outside at an hour such as this. Dave said nothing, just motioned to the screen as his brother un-paused the game and resumed his sick moves.

At the door was the one and only John Egbert, and Dave held out his fist for a quick knuckle bump before stepping aside to let the boy in. John's incessant chatter never died down, not even as Dave took his things and dropped them by the door, led them into the living room and pointed out the couch.

John was going on about a video game he'd read about in Game Bro Magazine, but Dave wasn't really listening. Well, he was, but his thoughts were elsewhere as well, waiting, waiting, _waiting_ -

It didn't take long for his brother to act, and Dave watched as he heaved himself up off the floor, never ceasing control of the player on the screen, and flopped back onto the couch, legs thrown over John's lap as his back came to rest against Dave's chest. John's face contorted into a look of confusion, but he only laughed, “Hey man, you comfortable there?”

“Maybe.” His brother says, and his eyes are on the screen, but Dave knows that his full attention is on John, knows that as the man kicks off his shoes and leans his full weight on the both of them that he's also taken the boy into the wrong context.

“I guess I should introduce this heathen to you,” Dave says, gesturing at John, who only laughs. “This is my Bro.”

“Nice to meet you, and hey, nice, sunglasses. You look just like Dave, which I guess makes sense since you're brothers or something. But hey! If you're done with that game, maybe we could watch a movie soon? I brought _Con Air_ , which is this freakin' sweet film about -”

Dave cuts him off mid-sentence, uncaring of just how uncool such a thing could be considered, “Bro, this is John, my heterosexual best friend who I'm definitely _not_ dating.”

The player on the screen comes to a halt, words flashing over them as a prompt to keep playing, but Bro's head is leaning back, sunglasses meeting sunglasses as he says, “Is that so?”

“Yeah. I brought him over to play some sick beats and stoke some fires, maybe watch a few movies, maybe even troll a few people, if you know what I mean.”

His brother stays quiet for a moment, fingernails tapping endless rhythms against the back of the controller in his hand, until finally he says, “Well, in that case.”

It doesn't take long before his brother is leaning up and pulling away, stretching long, lean muscles as he flicks the off switch on the game console. John's eyes are on his face and Dave knows this, but he only watches as his brother scratches the back of his neck and begins to leave, “Guess I'm gonna catch some sleep then. Maybe see how Lil' Cal is doing.”

“Yeah man, tell him I said hi.”

And his bro leaves, work done, shift ended, and Dave tilts his head, meeting John's gaze, “What was that about a movie?”

But John is shaking his head, chuckling under his breath, “You weren't even kidding. Your brother is _so weird_.”

“Yeah, well, just shut the hell up and put a movie in before I lay down on you, too.”

And Dave almost regrets it when Con Air is in fact the movie in question, but he guesses it's okay, because John is laughing, and the atmosphere is definitely friendly and just... just _right_ , and his Bro isn't anywhere in sight, and probably won't be again for awhile. And even though he'd be down and cool with having some cute piece of ass tucked under his arm right about now, he settles for peace and quiet, and the satisfaction of watching John pantomime the actions playing out on-screen.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Bro: Be the Cockblock - Why So Serious? Remix](https://archiveofourown.org/works/346343) by [Legendaerie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Legendaerie/pseuds/Legendaerie)




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